A Million Little Fibers
by StephenMcTowelie
Summary: The stony memoirs of a lying racist towel. aka Towelie's autobiography Rated T for language and mild sexual innuendo. Chapter 17 complete
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: I simply can't use this pen name without writing this. This was written with the attention span of a towel in mind, hence it will intentionally be bad, very bad. Will probably revise and expand it several times seeing as I blazed most of this out in under an hour (it's not easy making 4 chapters about Doritos Brand Corn Chips. . .guess I should've got a little high.) I'm honestly surprised no one has attempted this. . I searched and found no love for Towels :( . . . . With any luck this won't be my only South Park fanfic. May go on and write "Valley of the Penises" and "The Poop That Took A Pee" after this, though I doubt I could do "The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs" justice on a site that doesn't allow hardcore explicit content._

A Million Little Fibers

by Toweleieee

Chapter 1

All my life I've pretty irresponsible towel. I thought I was stronger and more immune than other towels. In fact I had good reason to be so cocky. You see I'm not your ordinary towel; I'm a specially engineered smart towel developed by an alien-run company called Tynacorp. I was made with a computer chip inside that would automatically fluff myself so I would stay dry. I came pre-programmed with all sorts of tidbits on towel safety and proper towel use, it's important! I could walk, I could talk, I could light up, you could say I was the perfect towel. That was probably why these army guys wanted to take me to their base, but let's wait on that. I wouldn't want to get ahead of myself here. Yeah I was the greatest thing to hit towels since well, towels.

It wasn't all sunshine and lollipops though. I am a towel that would often get left out to dry by those around me. It would get pretty lonely you know. I would spend days lying around on a rack waiting for someone to come by. People would wipe all sorts of nasty stuff on me. Grease, grime, food stains, butt cheese, stuff that came out of their wieners, yeah it all got pretty gross. I even had some dumb bitches come and wipe their minges clean with me. I shudder at that thought sometimes. Even worse was when they forgot to wash me and oh my that washing machine wasn't that pleasant either.

The one thing that helped me out through it all was the weed. I would always get high, even a little high would make the misery off being used and abused seem fun. Oh yeah that weed was good stuff. Back when the company was still funding my development I could steal from this little bowl they called a charitable trust and use it to buy some bomb ass herb and since I was a towel, light weight and all, it didn't take much to get me high. Yeah I could toke up all day and I did. Joints, pipes and bongs it didn't matter, just one puff and I was off to wonderland. Yay! Well that's all I have to say right now. Wanna get high?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Concerning Towels

Before I go more into my own story let me take a moment to tell you about towels. There are all sorts of towels; bath towels, beach towels, hand towels, paper towels. Towels they come in all shapes and colors. I happen to be blue, possibly the most absorbent color for a towel, or maybe I'm just being a little bit of an arrogant bastard there. There's also towels that are green, yellow and red, those work alright I guess. Black towels are good for cleaning up big messes cause you won't be able to see the stains. On the other hand white towels get messy easy are pretty much worthless to wipe up anything other than water. I think they're the prissiest of towels. There's these lazy sons of bitches called paper towels and after two seconds of absorbing shit they fall to pieces. The nerve of those guys! And they say I was a freeloader, at least I can dry your fucking ass off after a hot shot, god damned paper towels. When I worked at P.F. Changs they had these oriental towels with pictures of cats on them. I wiped up the Chang sauce I spilt with them so I could stay clean for work. I didn't work there long, some fella wouldn't tell me how spicy he wanted his Chang sauce and I got fired for being shoeless. What the fuck man, I was wearing flip flops! If they wanted to be so damn picky they shouldn't have hired a towel in the first place.

Now where was I? Oh, remember, I was talking about towels wasn't I? There's all sorts of towels; bath towels, beach towels, hand towels, paper towels. Towels come in all shapes and colors. I happen to be blue, the softest driest towel ever. Oh yeah I think I might have said that already. Ok, so one particular towel of note is the beaner towel. These towels are spicy and speak with an accent. Some of these towels are pretty darn sexy while others are straight up ghetto and big time annoying you know. The common beaner towel is red, white and green and it has some bird with a worm woven in on the white part of it. I think the worm has something to do with tequila, that's my guess. They also come in plain white with a picture of a beer bottle and the words Corona, Dos Equis or Modelo on it. Those ones in particular are known as "white beaner" towels. Both of these towels are good for cleaning up the mess left behind by tacos and burritos. I hear Jennifer Lopez uses one to wipe her ass with. Oh yeah and I saw one in the back of a beat up pickup truck at El Pollo Loco once too. There was also this evil towel, but I'll talk more about him later. So let's see what was I talking about again. Right, towels, there's all sorts of towels, bath towels, beach towels, and so on. If you would excuse me I'd like to get a little high right now.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Getting Hi

Weed is the greatest thing since rolling papers. I smoke a little every day. I don't always use the same method; sometimes I roll a fat J, other times I got a pipe, or a bong and even use a soda pop can sometimes. You know what? You can even bake weed into brownies and spaghetti. Yeah it don't matter how you get high, cause you know what? You still get high. There's all sorts of weed you can buy too; maui waui, green crack, Mexican red hair, skunk and so on. They all are pretty nice. I'm not too picky, I wanna get high. Being a towel it doesn't take a lot to get high. You could say I'm a lightweight, which is true. I'm maybe only a couple pounds soaking wet. It also doesn't take long for me to come down off my high like 20 or 30 seconds, then I gotta get high again. Speaking of, wanna get high?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: I got the muncheeeieze

After I get high I get really hungry sometimes. That's what we call getting the munchies. One good way to handle the munchies is to always have a stash of Doritos brand corn chips on hand. Munch down on those suckers and your munchies are good as gone. Oh yeah! Come to think of it I'm gonna go get me a bag right now.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Doritos Brand Corn Chips are Good

Man oh man do I love Doritos brand corn chips. Doritos are fucking awesome. They're cleaner than Cheetos and come in more varieties too. They're also much tastier. Oh and fuck Fritos they don't have my Cool Ranch, the bastards. You still gotta go with chips if you want to really munch it down. I mean nuts are ok, I like cake but damn it's fucking messy as hell. You can order a pizza if you got money. Usually the delivery guy shows up at the wrong house 20 minutes late and if he ever does get here he bitches at me for giving him the wrong address. That's a bunch of bullshit I tell you. Why would I give the pizza man the wrong address? The son of a bitch then cops an attitude cause I ain't got no money to tip him. Why would that motherfucker get a tip when I got the munchies? He says I need to pay him for the pizza. Why would I do that? I made the phone call. So I'll usually argue with him for a few hours and either he'll just give me the pizza or run off with it and eat it himself I guess. You know, pizza really should be free and it should be at your door in ten seconds or less. If pizza isn't your thing and you've got the money there's that poop on a plate they serve down at the City Wok but then I got to leave the house so fuck that.

Like I just said chips are the way to go man. The best chips bar none are the doritos. Oh man, oh man I love doritos. You can get them in little bags and big bags and in jumbo family size fat ass bags. Doritos even has dip to go with their chips. It's alright if you mix the right chip with the right dip. With Doritos you can't go wrong! They all are the right chip! So the bad part about Doritos is unless you have a buddy you can mooch them off of then you have to go buy your own and that costs money. Man oh man, Mr. Dorito must make himself a fortune selling these babies. They're flying off the shelves like hotcakes. Fuck hotcakes I like Doritos! They're either two or three bucks a bag, sometimes as expensive as five or six. When I've gone traveling as a carry on towel I've seen them go for over ten bucks in some cities. Either way I usually blow most of my rent money on Doritos Brand Corn Chips. I never dip into my weed money though. That is a big no no. I get like ten bags at a time and try to get different flavors. I always make sure to get my Cool Ranch though. Oh my, sure sounds good. I got to go eat me some Doritos Brand Corn Chips now.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Cool Ranch

Fuck yeah Cool Ranch are the best flavor of Doritos brand corn chips. I could eat these all day after I take a hit from the bong. Did you know they make a flavor called Cooler Ranch? That one is pretty bomb but I like the original. Oh boy, oh boy. The way those chips crunch, the tasty goodness; Cool Ranch and Weed are like peanut butter and jelly. You know you can even dip your Cool Ranch Doritos in Ranch dip? Fuck yeah! I like those kind real good. Did I tell you Cool Ranch was my favorite? I tell you they taste like two angels fucking in your mouth. Doritos makes a damn good chip if you ask me. I'd like to meet Mr. Dorito and shake his hand for inventing Cool Ranch Doritos brand corn chips. Oh man I think I need to take another hit, my high is starting to wear off. That's the ticket. Now I need more Doritos.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Flavors of Doritos

There's all sorts of flavors which you can get your Doritos brand corn chips in. There's the Nacho Cheese, those are bomb with cheese dip if you want to try something pretty wild. They also have the spicy nacho, I hear those are popular with the beaner towels. They also like the old school Taco flavor, the spicy street taco, the guacamole, the jalapeno popper, late night tacos at midnight and so on. Man they do like the Tapatio flavored Doritos too. Did you know I've seen towels and people put Tapatio hot sauce on their Doritos? Even the Tapatio flavored ones! The Salsa Verde is also a mainstay when you go to a party hosted by a beaner towel. I would've been invited but for some reason beaner towels don't like being called beaner towels. They said Hispanic Towel was more appropriate. Then I said why don't you like being called beaner towels if you are a beaner towel. Then I got kicked out, damn beaner towels. I was really high that night.

Next up we have the toasted corn flavor. Now these aren't plain Doritos brand corn chips. These taste like actual corn, sort of like an elote you know? Still pretty good just not what I was expecting the first time. I already mentioned the Cool Ranch, those are amazing. In Canada they got these ketchup flavored Doritos. Weird man but what can you expect from a bunch of people with flapping heads and those beady little eyes. They also had a blank unidentified Dorito up there too. For your more American fat ass you have the buffalo wing flavor, the cheeseburger flavor and the cheddar bar b q flavor. Doritos even has crazy flavors like Wasabi, Chocolate Bacon and Grilled Cheese on Toast. The Sour Cream and Onion is alright. There are so many flavors I couldn't even mention them all. Talking about all these chips is making me hungry. I better go get more!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: More about Doritos

One important thing to mention when snacking on Doritos brand corn chips is mooching. It's better to be the moocher than to be mooched on. Usually you make friends with the guy that always has free Doritos for you and go over to his or her house to get high. If your friends don't have their own Doritos or better yet some extra for you to mooch on then don't let them come over to party with you. No one mooches on a towel. We're too smart for that. Now sometimes if they have dip or bomb ass weed then I'll share my Doritos. We're not that stingy that we don't share but we don't take kindly to freeloaders unless we are the one doing the freeloading then that's all fine and dandy. Now you don't party with the same guy every night or otherwise they think you're using them for their Doritos brand corn chips. You got to mix it up a bit. Now I'm hoping after people starting buying my memoirs I'll have more Doritos brand corn chips than I know what to do with. When that happens I'm going to invite a whole bunch of towels over and we'll party and I won't care about sharing my doritos. Share and share alike that's what Towelie always says. Mr. Dorito is really gonna like me. I'll buy all his damn chips. Now remember kids, if you're going to eat Doritos brand Corn chips, don't forget to bring a towel! Cause you know the seasoning gets on your hands and you have to wash up so you don't stain your fingerprints everywhere and for that you'll need a towel to wipe up.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: It's Your Birthday. My Birthday?

Now I should probably be getting started on my actual memoirs about now. Let's see I started out in the towel factory at Tynacorp where they had just perfected the RG-400 Smart Towel. I was the prototype of that particular series of towel. It was going to be the best, greatest, bestest, toweliest, fluffiest, most amazingly amazing towel ever in the history of ever! It was a towel that could dry anything! It could keep you dry during all sorts of wet activities. I was engineered to be smart enough to beat the average human at chess (though I never won one game. I couldn't figure out what you were supposed to do with the little doll things) and absorbent enough to clean up the toughest spills. Yep, I was a pretty incredible towel, at least that's what the folks at Tynacorp thought. They told me all about how great I would be for the towel world and how I was gonna make history for them. Your birthday was a happy day indeed. If only I knew what would happen after the first time I got high.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: My First Date With Sweet Mary Jane

I remember it like it was yesterday, or last week. Fuck it, I don't remember it at all. I took my puff of that sweet, sweet herb, sometime, I don't remember when and that's when the company lost me. They say I just wandered off, umm, I guess that's right. Anyways I wandered around some and met a lot of interesting folks, hobos, carny folk, hillbillies, drug dealers, hookers, college know it all hippies, tie dye jam bands, really musicians in general, indoor gardeners, doctors, network executives and even a few cops. Yep all interesting folk. The best part about it was getting high, seems people always had weed to share and you know what they say; a friend with weed is a friend indeed. They would pinch me off some grass and I would educate them on towel safety and proper towel use, not to mention I'd share my love of Doritos brand corn chips with them. They would wipe their hands on me to stay clean and dry. Sometimes people would wipe their asses, wieners and minges on me; that got fucking gross at times I won't lie. I'd get shit stains, this crusty white goo and all sorts of nasty seepage wiped all over me. Did you know that women bleed once a month? It's fucking gross! Big Gay Al totally has the right idea, I never say a man's rectum bleed every damn month. I mean yeah if they aren't healthy but most of the time it's not that bad. Yeah there were sick fucks that took advantage of towels but most people used a towel for what towels are meant to be used for, keeping dry. Water, man water I loved cause I could fluff it out and stay dry. The important thing was whether I was being used or abused was that I was getting high, and everyone was having a good time. Yep, those were the days, or so I thought.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Towels are not toilet paper

Ok! Before I tell you about by adventures with four unassuming boys who knew next to nothing about the proper handling of towels and the places you need to keep one on hand at I gotta tell you first about something that's very near and dear to my heart. TOWELS ARE NOT TOILET PAPER! I am so sick and tired of getting shit smeared across my face by you lazy assholes. It's not just me that has a beef with this shit but all towels do. Even beaner towels don't appreciate being shit on. I swear if one more of you goes out and wipes your dirty bunghole on a towel instead of using toilet paper I'm gonna come down there and towel slap your ass! Heck if you're so poor that you can't buy paper people send you junk mail and magazines for free that you can wipe your ass with. If you don't have that, leaves work good for taking the shit off. If you're too much of a lazy fucktard to go gather some leaves why don't you just shit in your hand and put it in your mouth! Whatever you do, don't use a towel! Wait until after you wash your hands and then dry clean hands on a towel. Just a friendly reminder folks; towels aren't toilet paper!


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Smart Stuff People Say when High

You hear a lot of wisdom when you're high. Some of that stuff is sooooo smart that you can't even understand when you're not high. A good high can give you that transcendental kind of feeling where you are one with the universe and the universe is one with you. It also puts a lot of Doritos brand corn chips in you too. Like this one time I was getting high and this guy went off and fell down the stairs. I was like "What happened?" and this fellow that was sitting with me passing the bong around looked at me and said "Evolution happened man, evolution happened." Now tell me that ain't some deep shit right there. There was also this one time I was getting high in the bathroom at P.F. Changs and I realized whoa man, what if I make the Chang sauce so spicy that even god himself couldn't eat it. That was like, whoa so deep man, like you just don't realize the things that Chang sauce can do. Someone told me once that the secret ingredient in Chang sauce was people. I don't really believe that cause it doesn't taste like people at all. Well anyways getting high, yeah it gets the brain working. Ever wonder why the smartest kids in school are always the stoners? That's why. Weed is a wonder drug. I come up with all my good ideas when I'm high. That's how I got the idea to write this book. Yep, and it's all true! Oh that reminds me, I was supposed to tell you about these boys I met. Well I'll get around to that the next chapter if I remember to. First I think I'm gonna take a break and get high. My buzz is starting to wear off.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: TNA

Now before I tell you about the boys that I educated with their towel problems I'll let you know how I ended up in a situation to meet them. You see, one day I was getting high and all these GI Joe people showed up and I said "Hey! Don't forget to bring a towel!" and they said "What the fuck? A talking towel?" and I said "Yep. When you get sweaty fighting a war your face gets wet, that's why Towelie says don't forget to bring a towel." So then they picked me up and wiped their faces off and took me to their base. That's where I learned the melody to Funkytown, or was that college I can't remember I was high. Anyways these army guys wanted to use my TNA for something. No that's not some third rate wrestling organization that no one really watches anymore it's something to do with towels. By the way, when you're wrestling the ring can get slippery from all the sweaty men grappling and rolling around on it so that's why Towelie says don't forget to bring a towel! I don't know what they were really doing but they gave me weed so I didn't care. I was one happy towel, until one day that I got high, I mean really high and sort of wandered off somewhere.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Towel Safety

I forgot you guys and girls about something that is very important to me, Towel safety! You see a towel is wonderful towel but with great power comes great sponsitility, or what you folks call responsibility. If you don't have respect for the towel you are using you might hurt yourself, or stay wet, or not get high and we don't want any of that happening. So here's a few pointers on handling yourself around towels. First, pick the right towel for the job. You don't want to use a paper towel to dry off at the beach and you don't want to use a bath towel to wipe your asshole. God how I hate when people do that! Second, pick a dry towel. If you try to dry yourself with a wet towel, you're going to stay wet. Third, don't towel slap a bitch if you don't intend on hurting them. Towel slaps can sting. Fourth, don't leave towels lying around on the ground. You can slip on a towel and hurt yourself. Fifth, a towel is not a magic carpet. You can't slide off a cliff and expect to fly on one. Sixth, a towel is not Superman's cape, even if it does have the Superman logo on it. You can't tie it around your neck and jump off the roof and think you will fly. Also don't tie it around your neck and try to hang yourself, towels don't need that kind of bad publicity; save it for those stupid belts. Speaking of bad publicity don't go all mafia style and hide a gun underneath towel before you shoot someone. Towels have a reputation to uphold dammit! Alright now, seventh tip for towel safety, don't take a towel into the bathtub with you. It doesn't dry anything if you soak it in the tub with you first dumbass. Last and most importantly after you use a towel roll it a joint and let the towel get high. The towel deserves it! Ok, I made that last part up but it is common courtesy. So don't be a stingy little Jew. Spread the weed around! Oh yeah, Jews, I was supposed to say something about some boys. Yeah one of them was a Jew I think. Oh man, I'm too high right now. I'll tell you later.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Okama Gayme spear

Back in the day when I wandered off from that secret base type place there was this video game system that was all the rage. It was called the Okama Gayme Spear. Compared to todays Gaystation or XXXboxxx Won the graphics were really shitty and it had this goofy ball shape on top. Yeah you kids would laugh your asses off if you saw what these looked like. Never in a million years would you think this could have been a huge hit but it was. It was like the most high tech gaming platform of the day and lasted a whole three months before something better came on the market. I think it was the original Gaystation that had it beat, or maybe the first sexbox? I remember playing gamesphere with the kids I forgot to tell you about. We played Thirst For Blood, Top Secret Panty Raid and Utah Stage Janitor Extraordinaire. There was a water level in one of those games where you really should have brought a towel but the dipshit programmers didn't put one in the game. Most of the time those kids kicked my ass in those games or I got them killed in the ones where we were supposed to help each other. What can I say? I was high. I'm high right now too by the way. In case you are wondering why I'm gushing about an obsolete gaming system just hold your ass for a second! I'm going somewhere with this. You see it was because of one of these game systems that I ran into those boys that would change my life forever. They had pooled all their money together and bought one of these things brand spanking new. Yep, it was fresh, it was shiny, it was fucking fantastic. They spent every waking hour playing it and skipped a lot of sleep too. Those of you who are gamers know what I mean. They were like a lot of kids back then and thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually it was even better, sliced bread sticks to the roof of your mouth and makes cotton mouth even worse. Fuck sliced bread! The Obama Gaye Sfear was awesome though. Now you see they loved that game like a brother; probably even more cause they never kicked the gaayme spheare like they did with their baby brother. So when someone came along and stole their game needless to say they were hurt and they weren't just going to stand there and take it. That's where I come in. But before I can tell you anymore I'm gonna go get a little high. This weed is starting to wear off.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: Dakota Fanning is a Fat Asshole

Before we proceed let me tell you a thing or two about those boys. First thing I wonder is that you know it seems like it was years and years ago when I met them but they still look the same age. After all this time they should be like in their late twenties or thirties maybe with scruffy beards and lots of pubic hair but no they are still kids. They've even been in 4th grade for like 15 years now. You'd think that even a dumb forgetful towel could have made it to the next grade by then but nope, every year I think their whole class flunks out. I could be wrong with all this cause time passes a little differently when you're high. Ok now, well the first of those boys I am going to tell you about is probably the worst of the lot. He's a preachy fat turd who looks kind of like Dakota Fanning. I think his name is Barry Fartman, Hairy Cartman, oh yeah Eric Cartman! That's it but I call him fatso. He wears a red coat most of the time and a blue knit cap with yellow trim and a yellow poof ball. I hear from reputable sources that he also has a very small penis. Not as small as Japanese penis, lord only knows nothing is that small but still it's pretty small. He seemed to be the bossy one of the group too but none of the others listened to him. I listened to him because I didn't want him to sit on me or wipe his ass with me after he eats Chipotle. You all are aware of what happens to your asshole after eating Chipotle right? Boy oh boy does Cartman love Chipotle. He also loves making chili though I'm a little weirded out by his choice of ingredients. He also eats cheesy poofs, snacky smores and cajun crispy chicken tenders. Not to mention that fat fuck tried to steal my Doritos Brand Nacho Cheez corn chips. Basically this fat fuck just loves to eat. He also likes to romanticize about being butt fucked by Mel Gibson and secretly has a man crush on that little Jewish boy. He probably wants a threesome with Butters too but I'm not going to get involved in his personal life. If that's the way he wants to live his life then I respect his life choice. I learned that one when I was working with the janitor at the Museum of Tolerance. That guy liked to take naps; he also wished I was a beaner towel. Why I have no idea. Anyways back to Fatso, yeah he is really fat for a 4th grader. Imagine how fat he's going to be when he grows up, especially if he keeps taking that weight gain powder. He's going to be like Jabba the Hutt! He's not exactly the friendliest fellow either. He plays sadistic jokes on his friends and love interests, he has total disregard for proper towel use and the folks at the museum of tolerance say he isn't very PC. It's mainly how he doesn't dig the melody to funkytown that pisses me off the most, or the time he pissed on me. A towel gets pretty darn pissed off when it's pissed on. Now I could ramble on about how much he annoys me but i'll have to stop there cause it's totally killing my buzz here. I got to go get a little more high now to forget about that.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Something-Something About Jooze

Another one of those boys that I remember well was this little Jooish kid. That's the one that the fat one was secretly in love with; he's got something for Kosher pork but wait, Jooze don't eat pork so that would be Kosher Beef in his pants? Anyhow that jew boy was named Kyle and he had a big ginger ball of red pubic hair on his head which was why he wore a hat so you would never see it. I heard also he keeps a sack of gold around his neck, Joo-gold that's what they called it. Also he's got a second sack of fake jewe gold to distract thieves from the real jew gold. He never would buy me any weed with that gold though, some friend he is huh? This kid is pretty preachy too but he's not as bad with moralizing to me as the fat one is. That asshole did take my last J once. I can let that slide because he knew a thing or two about proper towel use and never jerked off into a towel. I also stole some original taco flavor Doritos from his house once. They were pretty stale though. Don't you just hate it when chips lose their crunch? Mmmm crunch, makes me want to sit down to a bowl of Mintberry Crunch, damn that sounds good, almost as good as Doritos. Hey, did you know they make tacos out of Doritos now? They call them Doritos Lowcoes Tacos. I don't think Jooze can eat them. The fat kid will eat plenty of them for him I'm sure. Then they will fight, fatso will call him a stupid jew, jewboy will call him a fatass. Around and around it goes. Yeah, that's how it is. Damn it, those two need to hurry up and make out already. One time when I got really high I asked the jewish boy about jews and if all jooze were like him and he didn't answer. So the fat fucker told me everything I needed to know. Towelieyeeie will share all that knowledge with you in the next chapter because I totally have to go find my bong right now. I seem to have misplaced it.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Author's Note:**_ _I meant to post this on 4/20 but totally spaced it. Anyways, here goes, better late than never._

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Chapter 18: It's 4:20 day, yaaaay!

Oh fuck yeah, today is the greatest day in the world. It's 4/20, national pot smoking day! That's the day which Towelie really shines. This towel's gonna get down, and get down with the clown! Oh man I've got all my bongs laid out and thanks to Colorado legalizing the herb I've got a wide variety of cheap weed to try out. Unlike my stinking dealer in LA who stiffs me on grass the bastard, he knows I'm good for the money I just got to get out there and mix some Chang Sauce. Oh man, some extra spicy Chang Sauce sounds so good right now. I could put it on a pizza, add some Doritos brand corn chips and there we go, that's a spicy a meatball! I started smoking since 4:20 this morning and oh my god I am so fucking high right now. I have no idea what's going on. . .can somebody please, please bring me a towel? Oh shit! I can't seem to remember the melody to Funkytown! I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm. .. is that it? Damn it that Deadpool sure is sexy, I'd like to shimmy dry that ass. Oh yeah, like a sexy spiderman. Anyone want a blowjob from a towel? It's cheap and hygienic, honest! My absorbency. . . .oh yeah I'm a pretty absorbent towel. All those fucking emo kids with their cigarettes and their coffee and their Twilight, oh wait those are those douche vamp kids. What the heck is the difference. Man I better not go into Pizza the Hut today, they still are pissed from when they fired me for delivering other people's pizzas to my house. I had the munchies, what the fuck you want me to do? Starve? Oh man, this is some really good weed. If you've never smoked some good weed you need to get yourself some. This shit'll mellow you out good. Fuck what was I writing about now? I'm so fucking high right now.


End file.
